last time I checked
you said something about
how I would never ever
be able to understand
the way you two connected
how she's worth it
how much you loved her
and how even if you wanted to
it was quite impossible for you
to stop missing her
and looking back
it's so obvious that I'm the fool
not you
I am the silly girl
who had this amazing
incredible idea
to make you forget about her
and somehow maybe
realized how much I cared
and then you'll fall in love with me
stupidity
I call it
what a waste of my time
frustration
anxiety
hopeless hoping
and sleepless nights
all of it on you
do you know how it feels like
when you've put in all your effort
pouring all your feelings out
to someone who could never ever
appreciate it?
do you know how silly I felt
when the last thing you told me
was the exact same thing you said
at the start of our conversation?
"I'll rather you not talk to me
it's unfair to you"
you said as if you really did care
about how I feel and as if
you were obvious to how much
you mean(t) to me
it shows that after all that I've said
it all meant nothing
and that you were blindly in love
with a girl who could never love you
I told you at the start that
you meant to me
probably more than a friend
but less than lovers do
and it's true
despite hiding the fact that
all i thought about was you
and I still do
and you asked me what my
first impression was of you
and I recollected every memory we had
from the first time we met
to probably the last time we would meet
at a fair that you treated me coldly
I described every single detail
of what I saw in you and
how important of a person
and friend you are to me
but remember what you said?
you said so what if you we're
attractive and nice
and you kept saying you aren't
a good person
and now I finally understand why
and you said how
maybe you were tired
of being nice
because being nice
doesn't pay of the way
you want it to be
and funny how you never realized
that you were being nice
to the wrong person
and I was the one
who's neglected
and you questioned you
importance in my heart
asking me
"what am I to you?"
and saying how you
"I don't even know you that well"
and I sad the most ridiculous thing
I said
I don't even know you either
I don't know
who you are
and I don't know
anything about you
and I know I'll never know you
but at least
I want to be someone
that will always be there for you
and how I am still willingly
willing to be here for you
though forever
I will only be your
back-up plan
and to think of it
that is probably one of the
messages that I would
never regret sending
because at that point of time
I really meant
what I said and now
I still do
and here you go again
saying all these meaningless
mindless things about how
there was no one else
you could ever connect
with you at your level
and it's so selfish of you
to never give others
(me) a chance
like you said
I'm nothing close to
her beauty and
in your eyes she is
perfection but
what exactly is perfection?
how do you expect me
to believe a thing
you describe about her
when you didn't want
to tell me a single thing
about her
not her name
not her age
not where she was from
or even whether
she really did existed
and I am not in love
with you or
who I thought you were
I am merely wanting
to be here for you
because I know
in everyone's life
there aren't exactly
many people who are
always by you
and eternally someone
you can rely on
I don't mind being temporary
I just want you to
open up to me
let me be someone
you can trust
and confide to
and be the one
where in time you will
thank me for my
existence
maybe I just want to
be appreciated
or maybe I just want
your attention
but it's over
over
o v e r
o v e r
glad that I met you
glad to be someone
you pushed aside
glad to be somebody
you used to know
glad to be the one
who you sent a
one-word reply to
when I told you that
if you ever need anyone
I'll be there for you