what about me?

basically because
i thought
i was the one
who was always
there for you
i guess
my presence
just wasn't enough
but then again
was there a need
for you to just
completely
shut me on
without telling me
where did i go wrong?
and it's been a year
and all my questions
are still left
unanswered

and it really showed
how much
or should i say
how little
i meant to you
the fact that
we were the closest
and then the farthest
made me think
that friendship
isn't supposed
to be taken seriously
i can't take me seriously
i took you
i took you for real

and all the times we
spent together were
nothing and left empty
and long forgotten and
you kept leaving me

wondering if you ever
thought about me as
much as i did about
you and if you bothered

to check on me to see
how (un)well i was
how i was coping when
i no longer spend time
with you

i don't know what else to say

sometimes even words
aren't enough
to describe the
thousands of mixed
emotions you feel
about a particular
situation and
the sillest thing is
i miss all the
wrong people
and
i never learn

looking out

there was a girl

who put on a smile

as quickly as

it faded away

she was never really like that

it all just happened

way too fast

no one saw it coming

even i thought

she was happy

and one day

we were on the bus

her sitting next to the window

me by her side

we talked and talked

about things that

i couldn't recall

but it sure was something

that made her chuckle a little

but the silence

was still stronger than ever

i was eating

something like a 

Brazilian chicken sandwich

it was delicious

and maybe it was why

i didn't take much notice

of her words and actions

to make me see

that what she might be

showing me might not

but real

when i got of the bus

i saw her

sitting alone

emptiness surrounded her

as if it was soon to engulf

her emotions and soul

and what's left of her

is just a remembrance

of her looking out of the window

missing this boy

who used to mean the

world to her

and still did

and it broke my heart

mainly because i hated to see

her that way

lost and alone

but also because

she was so attached

to this boy

who could let go

of her so easily

and it made me ponder about

me as well

was i just like her

having a hard time inside

and difficulty forcing laughter

and faking smiles

and the funny thing is

4 months ago

i was in pieces i couldn't cope

with the fast pace of life

and handling my emotions

and work was even more of a challenge

but right now

i can say that i could

barely even remember

how it felt like to

lose everything you love

and time doesn't even wait for you

it seemed so foreign

i wasn't out of love

but love was out of me

and that was how i felt

i can't remember how it feels

to be in love

with someone or anyone

that actually does know my existence

and feels the same way

and being broken

seems like more of a

typical routine

than an emotion now

and i knew that

there was nothing i could do

to make her feel better

or make her realize that he wasn't

meant to be part

of her future

but sometimes

it is really that hard

when you expected so much more

from someone because

you were willing to give

that much to them

but he wasn't going to do that

was he?

and here everyone is

waiting for that someone

that someone to be part of our future

and the funny thing is

things have a way

of getting better when

you stop caring and worrying

about things that

mean a lot to you

and when you don't care

things get better

but it comes to a point

where you no longer

care about anything anymore

and you just want to

get over and done with

with this life

but does it make any sense?

a cold morning

i woke up this morning

feeling awfully chilly

with shivers in my bones

and then i realised

how difficult it must've been for you

all alone in that queen-sized bed

cold and unaccompanied 

i felt so sorry

that i couldn't be there

that we were so far away

that if these sheets were states

i'd pull them end over end

to bring you closer to me

and keep you warm

you've such a beautiful being

after one look at you

i knew that i would spend

endless, sleepless nights

trying to write a poem

as beautiful as you

you eyes glowed in the such

and i could drown in them

i'm not too good with describing

anyone's beauty

but for sure

yours is none like the rest

you intrigue me

i want to know your story

you reason behind this sadness

and this mask you put on

each day as you face this cruel world

i want to know all your insecurties

your fears

your past secrets you never told anyone

and all the reasons

that's keeping you

up awake until 4 in the morning

i want to come up close

to get a better look of

that rare but breath-taking smile

and i would have to

stop for a moment to breathe

before you steal it away again

i'm not a romantic

and i can't be sure that this is love

but one thing i am sure of is

i spend all my nights

in bed alone

the long bus rides

the study breaks

to try to think of the best

strings of words i can invent

to describe how much

you might actually mean to me

and honestly

i would rather die

than watch all the things

that make you fall apart

and the other night

we were talking about

how much we hated time zones

and how we never get enough

time to talk about countless things

we never told anyone about

but all i could say was

at least i was glad

i could talk to you a couple of times a day

and the fact that i could

get a chance to hear your voice

and call me by my name

left me missing you

more than ever

and it scares me so much

because i've become

so deeply attached to someone

i have never met

and i am trying to pick up the pieces

of your broken plate

trying to put each and every chip

back together again

and even though the cracks remain

i was hoping that i could be the one

to fill them up

and make you feel

like a person again

and i'm so sorry

if i am not able to do that

and i know you are a

deeply unhappy person

but so am i

and i think our demons

complement each other

and our barely

but beating hearts will

collide into one

and maybe one day

we will be okay again

never said goodbye

there was something about

this really special boy

he often said hellp

but never said goodbye

maybe it wasn't a habit of his

but he always said

"see you" instead

and i wonder why

he was shy

and full of happiness

never made enemies

never really got angry

but i learnt to understand

a little bit more of him

each time we met

and his smile was often the same

radiance in his eyes

and his pearl white teeth

funny thing is

he told me that he never was happy

and just like everyone

i was deceived

never have i met someone

who could show such happiness

without being true

he told me all the ways

he hated how things went

the rumours

the annoyance

the problems

and i always assumed

that he never seemed to mind

maybe they're right

maybe it really is true

when they say that

the person who appeared

the happiest person

always with the cheerful smile

is in fact

the saddest living soul

and that wasn't the special part of him

we never really spoke

when we around people

he didn't like the attention

neither did i

but everyone else did

i knew he was here to stay

when he was the one

who never said goodbye

and when i thought

everyone was all the same

never here to stay

and soon to be gone

he didn't go

when everyone else did

he was the one that cared

when no one else did

how truly lucky i am

to find a person like him

now when we speak

no longer there is

a invisible barrier between us

to listen and judge

our every littld conversation

no one to make a scene out of it

and i find it funny because

i always thought everyone were the same

difficult to read

not who they seem to be

and never a real friend

if only everyone were a book

with a synopsis at the back

worth to stay if worth reading

and if it was interesting

intriguing

i'd read till the end

if only things were as simple as that

but no one

no one but one

made me believe that

most people were meant to go

and only the special ones stayed

and the special ones

never said good bye

they only said

"i guess i'll see you again"

a poem for this boy

this poem is for the boy

oh so mysterious

just like the moon

with a part of him always hidden away

i wished i could be there

to see the side of you

that no one knew

the one that cried till

the wee hours of the morning

over this girl who stole your heart

and never returned it

i want to see you at 3am

when everyone in the house

is all fast asleep

while you lay there staring at the ceiling

wishing she was yours

i remember the time

you confessed your feelings

and showed your crooked soul

to me and it made me

hold you even closer

even tighter in my heart

and you didn't know how

the littlest things you told me

formed my world:

the moon

the sun

and all the twinkling stars

and everyone told me

that i shouldn't waste my time

on someone who couldn't let go

and at times i wondered why i did

maybe it waa because

a part of me was just wishing that

you would realise that i was the one

here from the beginning to end

and maybe

hopefully fall in love with me

but you loved her too much

to make that possible

and i want to give up

but thoughts of being able

to take away a fraction of your pain

to save your tears when

you can no longer hold it

and to assure myself that

the next time i see you

that smile wouldn't fade away

it will stay on your face

even if it was by force

it would look real enough

to make me believe

that it was the right thing

to hang on to you

and you eyes

they glow so beautifully

even brighter than the sun

and i remember the time when

we met for the first the first time by the pool

and the warmth

the waters

the voices of the people

comes back all to me

and how we were both too shy to ask for names

and how we just begun a conversation

as if we had known each other for years

and i think that was the time

we might have actually clicked

and probably the only reason

to keep on believing in you

i loved your presence more than i should

and more than mine

and maybe i might not

love you like lovers do

but i love you as a friend and

you are the most special

being on thia planet

who is worth to be written as a poem

and make me hold on to this

soon-to-be meaningless friendship

that i hold still so tightly

in my heart and i guess

all the jealousy of this image

of this perfect girl that you love

and no one can compare to her

i still believe that you might be worth the time